Seasons of Love and Turning Time

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?

Reflecting on a year and how its flown,

my fingertips can only grasp and tangle themselves through

the trailing wisps of memories

A year of firsts, lasts, hellos, goodbyes and everything in between.

A year of so many things,

so many people,

and so many precious moments.

I'm sure every year has been the same,

but this one more poignant than most.

I grew a little older,

laughed a little harder,

and cried a little more.

Hesitation, deliberation,

tentative steps forward.

This is how a new year, always begins.

ps. sorrrrrrry ><

mass apologies, however, I have been overseas, so I feel like I am justified in my failure to post.

I swear there will be more posts soon, if not of the type you're all used to.

Snip Snip

Its about that time again,

for me to trim around some rough edges.

The edges that are fuzzy, comforting in their well worn familiarity.

We're all going for perfection,

whether it exists or not.

And even if it only exists in a captured sunset or a fleeting moment

we can still inch closer and closer,

can't we?

Be that little bit more beautiful,

not just physically.

Be that little bit more genuine,

or at least sincere.

Be that little bit more happy, all the time,

like the gentle lull of waves rolling into the shore.

I want to make it that far.

To find myself,

to cut away at the tangled maze of film,

snipping blindly,

searching for that perfect shot.

Maybe I'll miss something better, but at least when I start whittling the options down,

I can choose the best I know and the best I see.

An unwalked road is not worth looking at, if its already behind you.

The best is in front of you, waiting to be tread.

The rest are all could-have-beens, what ifs

the rest is all uncertainty.

Life Update!

Va-va-vooooom!

Wait..what?
You'd think that with holidays getting well under way I'd be back in the swing of blogging and blogging every other day just because I have so much complete freedom, but no, turning into a busy busy bee ^^
And when I'm not busy... I'm just too tired or lazy to do anything remotely productive, in fact I've barely even watched any dramas.

I have nothing worthwhile to say D:
Although, I was in a blogging mood last night/this morning because I got carried away writing a "creative" cover letter...but by the time I finished it was 2.30 am and my laptop battery had died..actually, on second thoughts, I didn't finish it..my battery just died sooooo yes.

Grad ball was fun and even though I was going to blog something sentimental and nostalgic, I haven't been able to bring my lazy fingers to type away furiously, :c feeling very uninspired.

Results came out and I'm quite pleased, considering my continued slack behaviour this year.
Also turned down a scholarship for RMIT yesterday...I did want to do Journalism, but my first preference is still Psych at Monash, so I'm holding out for that.
Fingers crossed that I don't regret turning down RMIT...after all, their Journalism course is amazing and scholarships are win.

Oh and I turned into a gym junkie briefly...funny, huh?

Hey Ho and Away We Go

In a splendid mood xD
However that usually also means I've been busy living and therefore going to deliver a fail blogpost,
just sharing this photo because it's beautiful..
and tumblrwhoring

This is Days Twenty-One - Twenty-Four of that Tumblr Challenge I have yet to finish :/
I liked this piece at the time,
but if you get bored please just look at the other pretty picture I reblogged instead (:

The Untread Sepia Universe

Have you ever met someone again?
Met them for real, a second time?

Don't worry,
I'm not about to launch into some bitter jaded rant about not seeing someone for who they truly are :P

Today,
I met someone.

Someone special.

Someone I've known my entire life,
but never quite known.

I suppose that's how it is with parents,
its hard to imagine them with a life of their own,
a life before you!
But they had one, and boy did they live,
and some still live now.

I spent the evening poring over photo albums and scrapbooks,
meeting my mother for the first time,
it amazing, but strange.

I met a girl, an adolescent, a lady in the making.
I met an artist, a poet, a heartbreaker.
I met her first love,
I met her guitar that never quite made it to the next phase of her life,
I met the 90s poster girls who adorned her walls.

And through these photos,
I ventured through another universe.
But, I recognised someone.
Someone familiar.


p.s. The still living bit? Let's just say what my mother got up to with her friends, in their 40s, could only be labelled as shenanigans.

p.p.s. expect an image change sometime, this was one of those rare posts where I had the idea before the picture, and I haven't yet found one that fits just right

Revelations of Despair.

Have you ever just woken up?
Opened your eyes to a different world?

Normally, its wonderful, awe-inspiring.
Normally, its a sign you've moved on, passed the pain, matured.

But sometimes,
its realisation of how little distance you've covered,
that, not only have you not made any progress as a person,
but have, in fact, gone backwards.
And maybe, just maybe you were only just awakening to a fact that has always been true.

That you're a horrible person.
That all you do is cause torment.
That your personal grievances are petty and insignificant and deserved,
compared to what you yourself have inflicted.
That no matter what you do at least one person will be hurt,
and that you,
foolishly,
selfishly,
chose more victims than necessary.

Its a very dark place.


But I'm the hero in my story.
I'll manage.
I'll save myself.

Here and Now

Stop it!
I can hear your brain ticking.
Ticking away.
And it hurts.

They say you should think before you act.

Fair enough..
thinking is good.

But thinking often impedes progress,
and progress,
well,
where thinking is good,
progress is better.

Rational at the best of times is not always a good way to be.
You can think your way out of a world of experiences,
think yourself to tears
and think apart any remotely whimsical dreams.

Thinking is smart,
sensible.

But every second you spend thinking, is a moment lost.
A moment that could have been the best moment.

Stop thinking
and
Live a little.

p.s Tumblr Challenge Day 17: I really quite like this one..

Tumblr Day Fifteen

Melania Brescia

Your dreams.

I have dreams.

Many and varied.

Enough to overflow my streaming consciousness, entertain my idling mind in the realms of subconscious, keep wonder afloat in the stormiest of periods... and then some.

But most of the time, they're just dreams.

There are ones that I won't admit to,

Out of embarrassment? out of shame? out of fear

Foolish, often insignificantly shallow, or perhaps too far out of reach.

And then there are the others,

intangibly beautiful,

like hopes of sheer unadulterated bliss,

that slip through the cracks of my "maturing" life in moments of brilliance.

I guess I dream of happiness,

of laughter and an enveloping warmth, encircling the lives of all those in my little bubble.

I dream of the freedom that I feel right this very moment

and the interludes of euphoria when everything seems just right.

I dream of being anything and everything I want to be at every whim.

I dream of abandoning constitutionalism

to scavenge the world for abstract, shining pearls of knowledge, wisdom.

And I suppose sometimes,

I dream of the past and a future,

still untouched.

Then there are nightmares.

People forget that they're dreams too.

Fantasies that occupy a darker dimension.

A stitched canvas of everything we fear and try to elude.

I have dreams like that too, sometimes.

But if you ask me what I want to do in the future, I'll tell you something different.

I'll tell you that I want to become a psychologist,

that I want to learn a decade of languages,

that I want to immerse myself into all the world's major cities.

A lot more...solid, don't you think?

But they're not dreams,

they're goals,

built upon realism, expectation and being taught to want something, be passionate about something.

They're not the spark that inflames our dubiously expectant eyes as we gaze across the horizon.

p.s. this actually wasn't the post I was alluding to in the last post but some things pop up haha, this is part of my tumblr challenge which I'm completing at snail's pace

Freee like a bird!

If only I had wings...

So, this post is to announce that, I (or me or myself or whatever else I may like referring to myself as because guess what bitches? NO ONE CARES ABOUT MY GRAMMAR ANYMORE wooooo!) am officially free.
Completely, utterly and irrevocably free for the next, hmm lets see, like 3 + months?

Yeaaaahhhh, thats right!
I can do ANYTHING I want... soooo much time, but then again theres so much to do...
And yes, that does include reorganising EVERYTHING I own, my room, my clothes, my makeup, even my stuffed toys if I so wish (which btw my grandmother cutely organised in a little row while I was sitting my exams) because I'm OCD like that and yeah, they count as things to do, which..sadly.. I will actually really enjoy doing hehe.
Words cannot express the overwhelming elation that surged through me when I look up at the clock, and there it was: 5 minutes til the end of my VCE. I was literally BEAMING.
So..I guess words really can express it >_>

Apologies for my psychotic hyperactive freedom induced state, posting will resume as per usual asap, as in soon as in like, probably in the next few hours if my dramas don't hypnotise me...which, on second thoughts, they probably will so, probably tomorrow then!
I have one in the works (:

Ps. no picture, because I don't want to ruin any remotely artistic creation with my current ridiculousness

It Seems Unfair That the Sun Can Still Shine.

For a brief interlude, I actually managed to avoid blogging and fleetingly submerge myself in study.

But I feel like I need to write about this.
I don't feel like I can do much else.

I feel a compulsion,
to get it down,
to sort out my feelings.

I don't really know how I feel about this,
I'm not an absolute wreck.
But hanging about waiting for someone to come back or go away twists at your insides.

Others comfort and console,
and its nice,
being reminded of the support around you.

But you're not the one who needs help,
you're fine,
you're always fine.

But it hurts to know that she's suspended in an awful place.
Even life or death has a grey patch in between.
Where is your joie de vivre now?

And to watch the unstoppable crumble,
and preoccupy themselves with the mundane,

is painful.

They're not mourning,
there's nothing yet to mourn.
But they're all running scared
and preparing for the worst.

And everyday life
seems so

insignificant.

To good friends, thank you.

Ave Atque Vale.

Graduation.
Whether we pass or fail these coming weeks, we have crossed the finished line.
We have passed, regardless of exams, and we are onto the next chapter of our lives.

Never again will we walk these hallowed halls,
encompassing us and cocooning us from the outside world,
never again will some smiles flicker past our vision.
But we will always remember.

With echoes of memorable laughter, and the bittersweet tears of fond finales, we step forward.
Through the corridors that contained our merriment,
past dark corners we once visited,
and through the door through which we once entered.
Outwards and onwards.

To greet the world,
and hit it with all we've got.

If we fall,
we'll fall with grace.

But we'll get back up with a smile on our face.
Because until we reach the very end of our journey,
everything is possible.
Never let it be said that you failed,
if you walked the path til the end.

Stand up and show the world what you're made of
and cherish always the guiding light beaming from the brilliant past.

Its time to let go, and you're ready to go.
Release us,
you'll see,
we'll be the best we can be.

Class of 2010

Ave Atque Vale
Hail and Farewell.

Day Sixteen.

Your first kiss.

Grubby, her face broke into a brilliant beam and he responded with a wicked, chubby grin. Their eyes twinkle with mischief upon their dirt smeared faces, and their once white shirts rise and fall with their breathlessness from their tumble down the seemingly interminable flights of stairs connecting all five floors of the aging building.

They didn’t say goodbye, the two pair of friends. Too young yet, to understand “oceans apart”.

She went back, one day, years later. They revisited their friendship, briefly but blissfully. It was too distant in the fond past to last forever, but nevertheless, their second round of farewells were murmured sullenly, with the scuffling of feet.

Then, he stepped forward suddenly, as if driven on impulse and lightly planted a fairy kiss upon her still childish lips.

Heh, its weird reblogging my tumblr rather than tumbling my blog ^^

Its Not You, Its Me.

No, really, it is.

While I sit here,
sick in the stomach (from amazingly good desserts, not even followed by a meal D:),
I contemplate my impending doom.

I have a "goddamnit its now or never" plan
but as of yet, no alternate "escape plan".

Then I thought of all the things I should probably quit or partake in less of .
(Though we all know how that worked out last time, apparently I'm so technologically brainwashed that it is impossible for me to last more than 3 days without any form of social networking: i include tumblr in this, of course.)
Only to realise, I have, in fact actually been slowly drifting away from blogging,
so I hereby announce,
an open relationship.
I will revisit, intermittently.
Better a little than nothing, right?

Never fear, it is a sign that I am in some way working towards a (hopefully) bright and successful future!
Or so they tell me (:
See you on the other side,
or whenever I can't take it anymore in between!

On a more positive note: Summmmeerrr!
It's just around the corner and I can feel it in my entire being.
I'm so excited!
I don't remember ever looking forward to any season so much,
but maybe its the completely carefree tag of an endless holiday..
So much do, so much time to do it in, and this exhaustion will disappear by then goddamnit!

ps. the image has no relevance whatsoever for once, so I apologise but its just so darn pretty!

Tightropes and Rickety Bridges

Uncertainties?

Been there, done that.
Yet we can't just untick a box and opt to "unsubscribe" from them,
its just not that easy.

And if you haven't got any,
you're not living life,
you're not feeling.

We try to peer into the future,
but all we see is a fog so dense that its practically opaque,
we scan the horizon for glowing embers,
signs of an imminent but distant waiting bliss,
and we quiver in terror of shadows
that we try so hard to ignore.

But its okay,
we're taking a risk,
we're trying.

And as we step forward,
one foot in front of the other,
and teeter across the shaking bridge,
we inch closer and closer to the other side.
Who knows if the grass will be greener?
But its worth a shot isn't it?

Because these trials, obstacles and hurdles can be the path to overwhelming gratification.

Dying Days

The past week has been,
well,
busy.

And stressful.
As someone extremely unaccustomed to stress,
it wasn't particularly pleasant.

I became someone I don't enjoy being at certain point throughout the week.
And the hysterical edge that accompanied my driven-near-the-edge-to-the-borderline-of-completely-not-caring was certainly not a pretty sight to behold.

You can resent me all you like for not being one who feels the pressure much,
but it has its low lights too.
Once you stop caring,
there's nothing that's driving you anymore.

So, at the same time,
the week was somewhat reassuring.
Knowing that my uncertainties do still matter to me.
That despite what I might think,
time is running out,
and I will (hopefully) sprint the last stretch
and make up the lagging distance.

Its a little worrying though,
I didn't do all that much productive or effective preparation for the week.
But I made it through, and that's what counts I guess.

It was quite enjoyable week despite all the kafuffle,
it definitely housed one of my more memorable nights,
and I can feel the year ending.

I'm looking forward to it.

We're willing go the extra mile,
holding to our hopes of the dazzling and imminent future,
to reach our destination.
So be it.

For the lovely few who follow this blog, apologies for my lack of posts, it seems I run out of things to say after my run of biweekly updates. This dry spell will probably last a while given the nature of the next few months.
This post is crap but you'll have to make do I guess :P

Serendipity

serendipity (ˌsɛrənˈdɪpɪtɪ)
— n
	the faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident

And what blog would be complete without a post about it?

When all else fails to make you smile, serendipity will.
Whether it be coming across something gorgeous that screams your name, on sale,
or meeting someone you never intended, but could no longer live without,
serendipity is the warm glow of a firefly at night.
Small,
insignificant,
but infinitely more beautiful than anything else.

But you wouldn't have stumbled into the dewy field that night,
had you not jumped that fence with the siren red prohibition sign.
If you hadn't snuck out through the window,
and slipped into the night.

Because everything is only beautiful by comparison,
so if you haven't looked,
how can you be satisfied?

You won't find serendipity,
unless you chance upon it.
Give it a chance,
take a risk.
Let life take you where you've never been before.

The Lies in Our Memories

Why is it that we always look back on the past so fondly?
Was it really so much better than the here and now?
Were all the idyllic sepia framed moments infinitely more prolific and passionate?

Was the world a better place?
Was life a little better to live?
Was our unfurling scroll of scripted cares meagre in comparison?

No, not really.
Its just that in our memories are the product,
the final polished film,
framed for our minds.

They're wonderful, memories.
The mundane gaps of life slip to the floor in editing suites,
and the hours of suspense are bridged with special effects.

Its all highlights,
with vibrance that doesn't quite match that of the original time and place
but its better,
isn't it?

I mean,
the only hints of dreary reality are merely for contrast and effect.

The pretty pictures are a delightful destination to reminisce,
but too much duller than the truth to dwell.

I'd rather live in the here and now.
Appreciate the colours we see so true.

Check out my ojiisan's blogpost on a similar topic..
I stole his picture and replaced my old one for this post... after reading
(I will be using the old one for a new blogpost, later, after exams, and I'll replace the link then)

The Truth in Our Nightmares

We're scared.
All so very scared.

We're running from shredded ambition.
Fleeing haunting pasts.
Grasping onto what we know.

In the light,
we walk with eyes glued shut,
but in the dark,
we pry them awake in fear.

Our nightmares,
they tell us this:

We're human and we're vulnerable.
Our hearts are littered with cares.
Our minds fettered with worries.

But nevermind,
fragility is beautiful.

ps. I have been having incapacitating urges (aka cravings) for noodles. Mother dearest made me a bowl for dinner (:
mmm yummy.
It's amazing what delicious noodles in a warm bowl of soup can do ^^
Happiness :3
edit: in retrospect this was a pretty poor 50th post haha but woooo, half a century!

Unscrewed Jars

I imagine this is what finishing exams will be like.
I also imagine this is a perfect representation of people.

I want to be a free fluttering butterfly,
the lone thrill seeker on the bottom left,
or the keen flyer with company on the top right.

I don't want to be stuck in the jar.
I don't want to be tangled in the chaotic, claustrophobic community.
I don't want to be soaring so high and close that I lose my colour.

To do your own thing,
but not alienate yourself.
To love and be loved,
but not conform.

But yeah, this photo is sah purdy.
That is all.

A lot of my past few posts have been inspired by the image rather than the image fitting the post.
Apologies for my lack of posting as I cough pathetically, wheeze and attempt to deliver oxygen to my brain to prevent disgusting headache. Yes I'm begging for sympathy, no I can't excuse my writer's block.

Blank Canvas

We people are just poems

- Ani DiFranco

We begin as a piece of paper,
blank,
merely blank?

There is unthinkable power in being blank.
There is an unwritten future,
endless potential,
to become.

Whether we begin as a recycled scrap,
billowing in the slums,
or in a scented and embossed "stationery set"
destined for empowerment speech drafts,
nothing is set in stone.

It is in the hands of the writer to determine how great it will be.

There's no such thing, as a saint without a history
Or a sinner without a future.

- Madina Lake

Drifting

As the years pass, people walk in and out of our lives.
Friends we grow up with and amiable acquaintances who we happen upon for stretches of the path.
But sometimes we weary of our companions,
no matter how dear they are to us.
Or we start to pursue separate trails,
in hope of reaching our separate destinations.

We grow, and our eyes are opened to the world,
gradually,
bit by bit,
we start to see different things.
The light reflecting in our eyes are,
suddenly,
beaming from different directions.
The glowing embers housing different hues.

And its such a shame.
For we know each other too well to risk becoming enemies,
and we're too used to each other to let go,
but we have to.
Its the only way to save us,
by leaving behind a perfect memory,
and cutting the film before it turns awry.

Whisper Your Wishes Into the Wind

You never know who will hear them.

There are so many things we want, we're never quite fully satisfied.
But whenever we do get what we want, we're left in the lurch.
Because there are consequences.
Always, consequences.
But if I could have 3 wishes granted,
and no repercussions,
right now:

I'd ask for the dedication and motivation to work harder for my goals.
When I see anyone put their head down to slave away studying or labour tirelessly over their passion,
I am seized by admiration, inspiration and this tiny green fleck of seething jealousy.

I'd ask for deep, hidden pockets of time.
Not actually part of the 24 hour day, but a perpetual parallax whither I could escape, to just think,
or not, and just gaze vacantly at the sky.
Or even to re-watch Gilmore Girls and Daria and Scrubs and Devil Beside You and every other series I have ever enjoyed.

I'd ask for a teleportation device.
So I could visit those I miss so dearly and be frequently reminded of their lovely smiles.

Of course, I'd probably have to erase one of those and chance it to and end to world poverty, world peace and the power to fix global warming if I really had 3 wishes but just let me indulge myself for today.
^^

Ooh and tumblr challenge (day five).

People, Places, Familiar Faces

Tonight was the beginning,
"the beginning of the end"
according to our school.

We dined,
we reflected
and processed,
beneath the arched ceilings of our chapel,
between the pews,
in the dark,
illuminating the room with candlelit cellophane covering handcrafted tinted lanterns.
It was beautiful.

And even though I have been accused of crying at the drop of a hat,
I didn't shed a tear.
Though I definitely came close.

I can't say I'm close to everyone in my year level,
I can't even say that I tolerate them all.
But these are people who I have grown up with.

They are the victims of bad moods,
the opponents in bitch fights,
the sources of trivial gossip.

They are the faces in my memories,
the smiles in the morning,
the hugs in the corridors,
and the laughter that lights up each corner of my life.

And as we are engulfed by the uncertain future,
they are the open arms that we long to shelter in forever.

There's Wonder in Our Dreams

and awe in our imaginations.

I'm terrified of the day that I lose the ability to hope,
to reach beyond the realms of possibility with my mind.

I can't imagine what it'd be like,
but I imagine it to be an empty shell.
A broken person.

I really, truly hope that its not something that can vanish.
Even if it only occupies a tiny room,
filled with a dim flickering light in the deepest recesses of my mind,
I don't want it to elude me.

Does it disappear with time?
Sometimes, it seems that way.
How did we manage to lose the amazement of childhood?
Why do boundaries and limitations have to accompany knowledge and experience?

But then again,
that doesn't seem to stop my friends and I from skipping across bridges with bouncy pigtails and building pillow fortresses.

Asdfghjkl;'!!!!

The. Getaway. Plan. Revival. Concert.
for Youth Depression.

Yes boys and girls, my (possibly) all-time favourite band
(who sing in english, that is)
are doing a once in a lifetime reunion gig.

And guess what?
Another one of the bands from my slightly hardcore and very muso phase who hold a dear spot in my heart, Stealing O'Neal are supporting them.

No joke,
I actually started hyperventilating when I found out.
Just ask my poor unfortunate boyfriend who happened to be on the phone to me and mid-speech at the time.

What's so special about TGP you may ask?
They're amazing.
Purely mind-blowing slightly adorable potheads who are about the music.
Not to mention, they were my first gig.
Sentimentality and all the shiz.

So,
for all you few and random anonymous and not so anonymous stalkers of mine,
if you are u18 and hellbent on being there too,
I may just see you.

Look for the tiny little asian girl
who appears to be being swallowed by the mosh
and yet is moshing her heart out and furiously ducking her way to the front row.
<3

Night made (last night).

ps: Au contraire to my i-hate-the-world-comma-boys-are-stupid-and-today-sucks rant on the way to school this morning, I had a wonderful day, especially thanks to an epic food adventure with two of my fellow fatties who reduced me to convulsing fits of side-splitting laughter whilst walking alongside major roads. Poor poor drivers must think I'm retarded. On first glance, I'm a model student type private school girl (or so my blazer pocket suggests) making my way home afterschool. Glance two: wait where's she gone? Oh wait she's on the floor, her entire body wracked with...laughter?

The Wheel Keeps on Turning

revoluta ruebat matura iam luce dies noctemque fugarat
the wheel of day turns and the night had already fled.

- Vergil: Aeneid X

Puhretty.

Its been so long since I included a quote...
and despite the fact that I was extremely ambitious when I decided to borrow a stack of books that not only made it difficult for me to see when scaling the horrific, altophobia-inducing stairs in our lovely light-filled VCE building but gave me a broken back and ensured I shrunk another 10 cm, I haven't read a book for ages.
Okay, I lied, but I haven't read as many as I'd like.

Hokay.
Sidetracked woo.

I can feel the blood of vitality being drained from me drop by drop as I sit in class.
I talk. I draw. I giggle.
I sleep with eyes open. I sleep on the shoulders of friends. I make strange noises and do silly things.
And sometimes, I just disappear for a toilet break, take a stroll, make myself some tea in the common room, chat with a passerby and return just in time for the bell to signal end of class.
Productive, I know.

Sometimes its enough,
sufficient for the the day to be labelled "good".
But what the hell is good?
Passable?

I'm not happy with content,
not satisfied with enough,
and not fine with okay.

I want thrills.
I want fireworks.
And all that fancy shmancy stuff with lace and frills.
and all. that. jaaaaaaaaaazz~

But the only person who can determine that is me.
I'm a strong believer in "it's the attitude not the event", I don't really let things get on top of me.
I mean, why would you?
Why see a half empty glass, when it could be half full?
Why see a moonless sky, when it could be reigned by stars?
Why see it as getting wet, when it could be dancing in the rain?
(:

ps: today was a good day.
pps: my posts are becoming extremely selfish hrmmm.
ppps: apologies for the grainy and crappy quality photo, but it was a phone photo taken by yours truly and its one of, (if not THE), the most beautiful photos I've ever taken. It was a bright day, and I was lazing around with friends under the retiring sun near Flinders St. Needless to say, it surpassed the average good day. ^^

Pack Your Bags

And make peace with an empty town..

"Paper bags and plastic hearts" is perhaps my favourite snippet of lyric ever, by the amazingly fabulous band Boys Like Girls, who, by the way, did not disappoint at their gig last week.

But back to the point of this post.

Don't you ever want to run away?
Go somewhere new,
adopt a pseudonym
and start afresh?
Or maybe just live a lie for a little while,
play life with someone else's strings.

I feel like I need an escape.
I may only have been back at school for 3 days,
but I'm already drained.
In fact,
I started on an exhausted note after the epicness of band camp.

I feel like I need a break to re-evaluate my life, or rather my year.
I can't believe half a year has disintegrated.

Nothing has gone according to plan,
disappointment,
shifting circles,
drifting friendships,
and new directions

Everything just feels a little odd.
Just a tad out of whack.
Need Re-Orientation.

It seems I have also contracted SMS again.

Addicted to You

I'm completely and utterly addicted to Tumblr.
This is what happens when you put me in front of a computer screen with an endless page of pretty pictures and wonderful words.
I blame the person who invented the infinite grid.
Grrrr.
Damn you for keeping me entertained, amused and my eyes aesthetically pleased.
Between that and my newfound dependency on blogging to keep me away from my exponentially increasing to do list, I have barely any time left to read D:
Funny how my priorities work.

This is a pathetic little post to tide my few followers over for the weekend as I am embarking on my final music camp (:
Yay!
The 3 days of crappy camp food, excessive consumption of sugar to make up for the crappy camp food and very little sleep due to the excessive consumption of sugar is always a lovely experience.
No really.
It actually is.
The company is amazing and I can't deny that little raves to what us musical snobs deem to be superior taste in music in the teeny tiny cabins don't help the experience along ^^

But then again,
I enjoy almost all camps..
Its not that I dislike being at home, god knows I'm a material girl at heart and love my obnoxiously loud electronics that greet my bleary eyed self from the comfort of my pillow in the wee hours of the morning.
But home is quite quiet.
Or should I say, very quiet.
And I'm a very energetic person,
lazy, but extremely bouncy.
And being the sociable Tigger that I am, camps are always fun-filled, after all,
friends are company that I choose, family, I just choose to live with.

p.s. Don't get the wrong impression, I love my family to bits, when I'm not busy resenting them and being a moody ungrateful teenager that is.

A Really Nice Evening

Its been a long while since:

I've had such a nice, low-key night.
I've been to a birthday party without the party.
I've attended an event where there were no lows, for anyone.

And it was really just lovely (:

Sometimes I forget that it doesn't need to be exciting for it to be fun.
When did parties turn into an excuse to slut around, get smashed off your face and create gossip to preoccupy ourselves with in our boring, sick sad lives?
What happened to celebrating?
Really celebrating?

NEWS UPDATE:
I found the perfect quote to express myself, I've always lived by it and now that someone else has managed to articulate it in such an astoundingly eloquent manner, it can now officially become the byline of my life:

Never regret anything in life, because at one time it is exactly what you wanted

Anonymity.

Oh how we've changed.
Is it you or is it me?
Or was it how we were all along,
but we were always too blind to see?

Were we faking it all this time?
Did we really not know the truth?
Did we get lost among too many
of the stars glimpsed from the roof?
The streets along which we walked,
Can we claim them in recollection's seas?
Or were they but a plastic pavement,
of false dreams, and devised fantasies?
The zephyrs of the past blew over,
taking with it blissful naivety
Can I ignore the shadows that are threatening
to overcast our sepia memory?

I'll remember you as you.
I'll remember me as me.
And here's to a you I've never seen,
whomsoever you dare to be.

Linkchains.

For today,
this shall do.
Though it reminds me.
We're all so very connected.
And its so very poignant since the internet.

click 1: stranger.
click 2: random.
click 3: a nameless familiar face.
click 4: a friend of a friend.
click 5: someone very much in your life, or even more shocking, yourself.

Happy Birthday to my ojiisan,
we made a joint venture, its very different to my normal style, we blog very differently.
Excuse the fail formatting..it was 6.30 in the morning and we had yet to sleep.

Pretty Pictures and Wise Words

And my own personal post.
Inspired by the tumblr of a friend, and shocking as I generally dislike rhyme in poetry.
Who knew I was awake enough to make that up.

Sidenote: for those who have yet to see, oggle, and die a little inside after poring over the Givenchy 2010 collection for the 805356897th time: ohhhhmyyyygoddddAHmae-zing. For those who don't know me, laceee. So obviously. But surprisingly its the gold piece that I love..

Self Sufficient

Holidays started over a week ago,
and despite the expected days of freedom and waste-able time,
my holidays thus far have proved otherwise.
Apologies for being MIA,
but work opened its big fat mouth and omnom-ed half of my holidays.
There is now this gulf of emptiness where my life should have been.
Instead it is sitting alone, in the darkness of the pits of the stomach of a monster called "work".

No really.
I feel like I've started sporting a sore back and wrinkles because of the amount of hours a day I've worked.
In a row.
If this is what its like to be grown up, call me Peter Pan.

I don't understand growing up.
There's this massive gap between uni aged people and say parents.
Its like there's this gap where their vitality gets sucked out of them :/
Props to a certain group of uni aged people for the best night in a while the other night.
I can't imagine a mundane life.
I can't imagine making decisions purely because it is the responsible choice.
I'm enjoying it as it is.

Back on the topic of work.
Though its really not that bad.
Generally, I've enjoyed working and the people I work with and the adorable customers that frequent the shop.
And what can I say, money is never a chore to have.

Otherwise holidays are lovely (:
Sadly you never get around to seeing everyone all the time but nevertheless, fun times to be had.

Expectations and Limitiations.

Parents.
Teachers.
Friends.
Acquaintances.

Every single person has some expectation of you.
Of who you are.
Or rather, whom they presume you to be, to do, to accomplish.
So what?

Refuse.
Refuse to fit into their expectations on the basis of some ridiculous social norm.

We change, adapt, grow.
We're vines upon a wall, we may scale the heights bit by bit but not all of us reach the rooftop.
We get lost in the tangled mess of other people's lives, or we latch on, and entwine ourselves with others, possibly getting lost in the process.
We don't always fit grid, for better or worse.
We change.

Everyone expects something.
Even you.

And when you can't live up to your own expectations, that hurts.

Disappointing yourself,
when you yourself should know best what your limitations are,
stings like a bitch.
Its hard not to let that self-deprecating,
spiteful monster inside you take over and brutally batter you.

Happy Chappy

(:
Life Update: Take 2.

A very rewarding day.
I decided I wanted to go grocery shopping with mum, and clock some hours (or minutes rather) for my driving log.
Little did I know, it would turn into an all out shopping spree.
Sales sales sales!
lovelovelove.
Between us, mum and i bought 10 tops...
And then I got school shoes.
Regardless,
it was still new clothing.
AND, a new phone, finally!
Wooo ^^

I also believe that my extremely satisfied tummy is contributing to this happy hype.

Wordswordswords.

People complain that they're at a loss for words.
That they don't have anything to talk about with someone.
Or that they can't seem to express themselves.

Wrong.
We have so much to say.
Perhaps too much.
Sometimes its all just crap.
There's no point in empty superficial statements.
Whilst everything meaningful is waiting to be voiced.
Patiently, relentlessly, and resigned.

Why is everyone so desperate to make conversation?
Why speak when there's nothing to say?
Silence isn't awkward.
Grasping at conversational straws is.


p.s. writer's block.

A Little Something Extra-ordinary

Yo listen up here's a story,

about a:
girl (:

I'm blue da ba dee da ba di...

Hehe.
this one's a little different.
I'm going to trial this whole actually blogging explicitly about my life thing.

I attended my friend's formal last night, which was really fun,
though my foot doth protest at the idea that dancing could be enjoyable.

These occasions only come up once in a while,
and it really is exciting to get dressed up all nice, hop in a hummer, and be whisked to a fancy venue for edible food and much much dancing.
I wish formals happened more often, but I suppose the fact that its rare is what makes it so special.

It goes so fast.
After bumping into Sarah, about halfway through getting my hair done, the buzz started kicking in.
The jittery excitement before a big event.
Kaya and I were scrambling around, hard-pressed for time after taking an excessive amount of time putting our faces on...
and then it all went on fast forward, accompanied by a very fast faced soundtrack that kept me on my feet the entire night.

And there, you have gained a not particularly interesting insight into my life (:

Playing With Fire.

So I have slight pyromaniac tendencies,
(flames are pretty ^^)
but I don't understand why anyone would
purposely cause that much malicious destruction.

Sure,
I can think of motives for trying to burn down a school,
but none that could justify or warrant anyone to actually take action and do it.
What do you get out of it?
A few days off school,
and a badass rep.
Oh not to mention a fast-track down future failure lane.

There's nothing wrong with having fun,
and mistakes are yours to make,
but when it harms others,
that's crossing the line.

I sometime wonder how it is that there are people who just don't think.

On a chirpier note:
explosions in chemistry labs are rather fun
and
its rather funny escaping disaster, unscathed, by a slim thread,
and not even realising it.

Night Terrors

"He began to scream. The reverberations of his screams gave him the whole shape of the box, narrow-walled, low-roofed, unyielding. Its lid was screwed down hard and would not give. Earth was piled over the lid, airless earth, pressing down hard.
He screamed and moaned, he fought the box, in a frenzy of terror. He struggled and scuffled, strained his head up so that it beat against the coffin’s lid."

- Elizabeth Knox (Dreamhunter)

We all have fears.
Those tendrils of terror that grasp us in the corners of our mind and tug gently until the occasion arises for it swallow you whole.
They vary from person to person.
But there seems to be an inexplicable association between fear and the dark.

Something about the unknown frightens us.
I, for one, am terrified on the dark.
Or rather, being alone in the dark.
Its not specifically the dark that I'm afraid of.
Its what's IN the dark.
Who knows what there is,
lurking,
predatory.

And yet I'm a night owl.
My most productive and functional hours are the ones I usually spend on sleep.

There's something so eerily transcendental about iridescent moonlight, the faint specks of stars and the twinkling glow of city lights cast upon a dark velvet tapestry.

Its almost as if the stark contrast is what sets it off.
making it seem more beautiful, precious.

Me, Myself and I

Chemistry midyear over (:
Time to refocus on myself.
Selfish, I know.

My justification is that I deserve it.
I don't think I've worked that hard for anything for a long long time, if ever.
Though I would have told myself that,
regardless.

I don't think there's anything wrong with self appreciation
and luxurious self indulgence,
just don't go stepping on other people's toes.
Especially not in heels.

"Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else"

- Judy Garland

Next on the agenda:
to put my feet up and enjoy a trashy feel-good movie with a nice cup of tea.
Ahh tea, how I have missed you.

I for one am definitely guilty of overindulging myself with rewards
and having very little self discipline.

Oh well,
optimism at its finest,
I call it.

Photo via Miss Wallflower

Domestic in Training

I enjoy cooking.
There, I said it.

I always have,
even before the likes of MasterChef commercialised it and sold it to mainstream society.

Its edible art.
Aestheticism for all the senses.
Its rather fun.

And as I sat at my desk,
(ignoring my blatantly terrifying tower of practise chem exams),
chewing on my (late) culinary masterpiece that is lunch
and watching ready steady cook,
I came to a conclusion:
I am perfectly content to apologise to all those who have placed their hopes in me.

I'm ready to give up feminism and put on an apron.
I will not amount to anything in life,
but I'll settle for becoming a well-trained domestic.

I joke.
I do not intend on giving up on my educational pursuits.
Nor do I have such little respect for housewives.
I also don't believe that making such a choice means sacrificing the cause of feminism.

Empowerment
shouldn't be yet another extreme image or unrealistic expectation to live up to,
it should be about the right to make your own choices.
To succeed how you want,
if you want,
or not.

I made a tumblr, because its easier for me to follow certain blogs this way, but I am rather confused by it.
I'm far from technologically illiterate, but I am slightly blind when looking for "comment" buttons.

Speak As Thou Wilt

Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare the truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare.

- Lewis Morris

Take a chance, you never know

Every moment, is the slice of a memory. Share it.
Every thought is the whisper of an identity. Say it.
Every hope is the beginning of a dream. Seize it.

And when you're done,
it'll have been a life worth living.

Quick Update on Life Detox:

So, I haven't quite stuck with the plan.
But, the core principle behind it has remained intact :)

Photo by Ailbhe o'Donnell

The Little Things

I realise I've already posted on this but:

I love the little things that make a day.

I love smiles from strangers.
I love conversations with randoms.
I love bumping into people you haven't seen for ages.

I love new stationery.
I love stationery itself.
I love the smell of opening sealed packaging.

I love unexpected kind words.
I love sweet things that friends do.
I love reminders of people who care.

I love trashy 90s music singalongs.
I love pretending to rave to bad songs.
I love hearing beautiful music in the passing.

I love cute couples.
I love things that come in threes.
I love collections.

I love the sound of rain outside the window.
I love the sight of dew on flowers and leaves.
I love the feeling of warm sun upon my back.

I love natural light, sunshine (:

They make me happy, yes I'm easily pleased c:

And lovelies check out this post by quirkducirque, its beautiful :)
in fact, they all are (:

Stop, Rewind.

Wouldn't it be nice if,
at the end of your mortal life,
you would board a train?

The tracks would stretch on endlessly,
looping around vivid landscapes.
And this perpetual slide-show of scenery,
is the film of your life.
Where you can play, pause, fast forward and rewind.
Forever, and ever.

Maybe there could be music,
the soundtrack of your life.
Perhaps even sepia montages or even scene selection!

The ups and downs are all worth it really.
But it'd be nice to just replay it
after its all done and dusted.
To reminisce in peace.

But for now,
treasure the past,
revel in the present,
and await an even brighter future :)

We Love Our Bread

We Love Our Butter,
but most of all,
we love each other.

No actually,
lets just leave it at we love our bread and butter.
Bread and Butter translates to toast.
For those who don't know me,
I'm often defined by and associated with certain things
(usually pertaining to food).

Ice Cream
Fruit
Tetris
Grapefruit
and more recently,
Buttered Toast.

Whilst I still hold the others dearly in my heart,
I have to say I am currently possessed by an affliction
where I am constantly craving buttered toast.
And its not exactly easy on the hips.

But it brings me to my next point,
(sorry to disappoint those who hoped this would be a blog purely dedicated to the joys of toast, though I must say, it was tempting)

Fleeting joys.
From shiny new possessions,
to the warmth of crispy buttered toast melting in your mouth,
to smiles from strangers:
I find that little things are the embellishments on a wonderful day,
or the redemption for a terrible one.

People say that material things can only bring you temporary happiness,
but honestly,
it can actually bring you pure joy.

Sure, it doesn't often last,
but its enough to turn a day around.
Enough to put a smile on your face.
And that smile, is the trigger.
The trigger for the wheel of fortune to spin again and tilt in your favour.

A smile on your face
holds enough power to overcome all odds.

A smile leads to a laugh,
and a laugh holds the key to eternal happiness :)

Smile when no one's looking,
for yourself,
nobody else ♥

Like Sands Through the Hourglass

So are the Days of Our Lives..

Why is it that as we grow older,

time seems to elude us?

Why are we only able to cling to fond memories of the past,

rather than revel in the here and now?

Why does the here and now,

slip so quickly into the then and there?

It's around now,

somewhere in the scuttling suspense of midyears,

that I've begun noticing the markers of time past.

Yesterday,

I visited Melb Uni.

I made serious observations

concerning my future.

I then, proceeded to discuss my "life plan" with friends.

Today, I made a chatterbox.

And revisited, once again that childhood game of making lists of boys, modes of transport, accommodation, occupations and children, then proceeding to pick a random number and cross the out until you have one of each left.

I then, arrived home and flicked through reminiscent photo albums,

of the paper book and facebook nature.

Now compare.

The former is the imminent,

an urgent and frequent reminder of where we're heading.

The latter, remind us of the "good times",

with fun to be had.

But back then,

maybe they weren't so great.

They were just like the present.

Sporadic, turbulent, unstable.

Vivacity at is greatest.

(see what i did there? :P s-t-u-v)

I'll probably look back at this,

and contemplate my youth, amused.

Maybe that's all life is,

a documentary of moments.

Maybe we're just someone else's television show.

And just maybe, its set on record,

so that we can replay it over and over at the end.

We people are just poems

- Ani DiFranco

Seasonal Swings & Life Detox

Ready?!

Okay!

Too preppy, perky and chirpy?

When running on minimal sleep,

especially in comparison to newly acquired habits,

definitely.

Just when I'd judged the looming cloud coverage to be completely and utterly cleared,

my bleak outlook returned.

As a result,

I have come to the conclusion that its Seasonal.

Seasonal Mood Swings.

Hmm SMS sounds like an STD ;)

Its one of those manifestations that greets you with a sinister smirk,

the second you stop for a break.

When your brain continues to whir.

Not in a pleasant way.

Life continues merrily,

but it sits and waits.

Lurking.

So!

I have decided to take action.

In light of a recent onslaught of ultimatums,

and henceforth proclaim:

"The Turning of a New Leaf".

Synopsis:

Expendable bad habits will be tamed.

o_o flashes of Taming of the Shrew anyone?

Torrid influences will be purged.

Changes will be made.

All for the better.

Let the rain fall down

and wake my dreams...

p.s.

Bring It On 3 chants and Like a Virgin are stuck in my head.

Thanks Brooke.

Once again, credit to Jeannine Tan, budding photographer friend.