Stop, Rewind.

Wouldn't it be nice if,
at the end of your mortal life,
you would board a train?

The tracks would stretch on endlessly,
looping around vivid landscapes.
And this perpetual slide-show of scenery,
is the film of your life.
Where you can play, pause, fast forward and rewind.
Forever, and ever.

Maybe there could be music,
the soundtrack of your life.
Perhaps even sepia montages or even scene selection!

The ups and downs are all worth it really.
But it'd be nice to just replay it
after its all done and dusted.
To reminisce in peace.

But for now,
treasure the past,
revel in the present,
and await an even brighter future :)

We Love Our Bread

We Love Our Butter,
but most of all,
we love each other.

No actually,
lets just leave it at we love our bread and butter.
Bread and Butter translates to toast.
For those who don't know me,
I'm often defined by and associated with certain things
(usually pertaining to food).

Ice Cream
Fruit
Tetris
Grapefruit
and more recently,
Buttered Toast.

Whilst I still hold the others dearly in my heart,
I have to say I am currently possessed by an affliction
where I am constantly craving buttered toast.
And its not exactly easy on the hips.

But it brings me to my next point,
(sorry to disappoint those who hoped this would be a blog purely dedicated to the joys of toast, though I must say, it was tempting)

Fleeting joys.
From shiny new possessions,
to the warmth of crispy buttered toast melting in your mouth,
to smiles from strangers:
I find that little things are the embellishments on a wonderful day,
or the redemption for a terrible one.

People say that material things can only bring you temporary happiness,
but honestly,
it can actually bring you pure joy.

Sure, it doesn't often last,
but its enough to turn a day around.
Enough to put a smile on your face.
And that smile, is the trigger.
The trigger for the wheel of fortune to spin again and tilt in your favour.

A smile on your face
holds enough power to overcome all odds.

A smile leads to a laugh,
and a laugh holds the key to eternal happiness :)

Smile when no one's looking,
for yourself,
nobody else ♥

Like Sands Through the Hourglass

So are the Days of Our Lives..

Why is it that as we grow older,

time seems to elude us?

Why are we only able to cling to fond memories of the past,

rather than revel in the here and now?

Why does the here and now,

slip so quickly into the then and there?

It's around now,

somewhere in the scuttling suspense of midyears,

that I've begun noticing the markers of time past.

Yesterday,

I visited Melb Uni.

I made serious observations

concerning my future.

I then, proceeded to discuss my "life plan" with friends.

Today, I made a chatterbox.

And revisited, once again that childhood game of making lists of boys, modes of transport, accommodation, occupations and children, then proceeding to pick a random number and cross the out until you have one of each left.

I then, arrived home and flicked through reminiscent photo albums,

of the paper book and facebook nature.

Now compare.

The former is the imminent,

an urgent and frequent reminder of where we're heading.

The latter, remind us of the "good times",

with fun to be had.

But back then,

maybe they weren't so great.

They were just like the present.

Sporadic, turbulent, unstable.

Vivacity at is greatest.

(see what i did there? :P s-t-u-v)

I'll probably look back at this,

and contemplate my youth, amused.

Maybe that's all life is,

a documentary of moments.

Maybe we're just someone else's television show.

And just maybe, its set on record,

so that we can replay it over and over at the end.

We people are just poems

- Ani DiFranco

Seasonal Swings & Life Detox

Ready?!

Okay!

Too preppy, perky and chirpy?

When running on minimal sleep,

especially in comparison to newly acquired habits,

definitely.

Just when I'd judged the looming cloud coverage to be completely and utterly cleared,

my bleak outlook returned.

As a result,

I have come to the conclusion that its Seasonal.

Seasonal Mood Swings.

Hmm SMS sounds like an STD ;)

Its one of those manifestations that greets you with a sinister smirk,

the second you stop for a break.

When your brain continues to whir.

Not in a pleasant way.

Life continues merrily,

but it sits and waits.

Lurking.

So!

I have decided to take action.

In light of a recent onslaught of ultimatums,

and henceforth proclaim:

"The Turning of a New Leaf".

Synopsis:

Expendable bad habits will be tamed.

o_o flashes of Taming of the Shrew anyone?

Torrid influences will be purged.

Changes will be made.

All for the better.

Let the rain fall down

and wake my dreams...

p.s.

Bring It On 3 chants and Like a Virgin are stuck in my head.

Thanks Brooke.

Once again, credit to Jeannine Tan, budding photographer friend.

A Bit on the Side & Look What You've Done

I wouldn't call it blogging promiscuity,
just...
experimentation.

Just a heads up that I've updated Windows and Doorways within the last 24 hours,
a joint project with Brooke.
In my opinion, its a bit more first person than this one.
Or not?
I have a feeling the next bit will change that...

Now, onwards and upwards to the Look What You've Done segment of this blog.
Haha, I feel like one of those ridiculous TV stations that broadcast multiple short crappy programs
(I'd say daytime TV but those programs are far from short).

I feel like there should be a song somewhere to express my sentiments,
something decent that goes along the lines of:

This isn't who I am,
I'm trying too hard.
I'm never this shy,
but you might just be my type.

Right now, I hate who I am in the face of certain people,
people I want to hold onto,
people I want to become closer to,
people I don't want to scare away.

I hate overcompensating with meaningless chatter.
I hate being so self-conscious,
I hate hoping so hard,
I hate being so needy,
I hate caring so much.

And its all in my head... think about it over and over again...

I just hope they're worth it.
:)

Spending Habits & Dying to Impress

Money honey,

makes the world go round.

It also vanishes from my bank account faster than I can say

"Oooh I like that one"

And whilst some around me encourage such bad habits,

(they understand that good retail therapy can never go astray),

Others chime in with a cacophony of clicking tongues
when I splurge significant amounts on an impulse buy.

It is then,

amidst the scathing criticism of my spendthrift ways,

that I realise what I've done.

Oh, its usually a very worthwhile purchase,

and always with my own personal hard-earned money,

but it puts a damper on things

when I realise its probably more than I've ever spent on anything.

And it is possibly now one of the most expensive things I own...

So I have made an ultimatum

(one of many today actually,

it seems that today is my day of turning over a new leaf)

that I will watch what I spend and adjust accordingly.

That way, I can fork out for similiar future purchases

without feeling terribly guilty.

I'll let you know how I go :)

On another note,

why is it that we slave over ourselves

to impress people we don't know,

rather than the ones we love?

I suppose the answer is easy,

we're comfortable enough to show our true selves to those closest to us.

Is it wrong?

Some would say so,

I however beg to differ,

appreciate the ones around you

but always be prepared to make great first impressions.

Fate...or the Likes Thereof

"Now is the dramatic moment of fate, Watson, when you hear a step upon the stair which is walking into your life, and you know not whether for good or ill."

- The Hound of the Baskervilles

Do you believe in fate?
That there is a precursor to every moment that has been predetermined and is predestined?
That there are things you just have no control over?
That there are people you are bound to meet,
to love,
to hate,
to lose?

Then it begs the question, how big a role does fate play in everyone's life?
When shit hits the fan,
do you just let it be and let fate take over?
Or do you take matters into your own hands?
Will fighting it even matter?
Does fate even exist?

And then there's karma.
what you give is what you get returned..
(cue Savage Garden ♥)

In ancient Greek mythology, there's a story about the three daughters of Zeus and Themis who deal the hand of each person at their birth. There's Clotho, who spins the thread of human life, Lachesis who allocates good an bad fortunes and Atropos who holds a pair of scissors to cut the end of the life.

Personally, I'd love to believe it,
its a great idea.

In fact,
I generally like to believe
in a greater force beyond our control,
that will push us in the right direction,
and enforces karma
but we will never know.

So for now,
live, and let live.

And fight on, if its worth it.

Photo by my extremely talented budding photographer friend Jeannine Tan

Time After Time

If I could write a letter to my younger self,
there is so much I would say.

It would end up being a forest's worth of advise,
a break down of every single moment in my life,
trying to correct any wrongs,
make up missed opportunities,
or just giving myself a heads up to treasure that moment.

I'd console the sullen self in times of internal chaos,
and chide the fresh-faced hopeful for her naivety.

This letter, however, would remain incomplete and stowed away.
I would much rather my 14 year old self were blissfully ignorant of the future.
For her to act on her own sporadic, spontaneous judgment, as always.

Because I wouldn't be the same.
And though not completely satisfied,
I'm proud of the person I am.

Being forewarned,
My younger self wouldn't make it to where I am now.
It is my mistakes, and every raw emotion that has ever possessed or fleetingly scurried through this being that makes me who I am.
The uncertainty faced at every step makes the journey that much more worthwhile.

And the rest is still unwritten..

Once again, credit goes to Mademoiselle in Melbourne for topical inspiration.

Unhealthy Dispositions.

Of the hostile, unfriendly nature.

Is it just me or are there people who you are naturally inclined to have less patience with?
People who just strike a nerve the second they open their mouth,
or just piss you off with their presence?

Not even necessarily people that you hate.
A lot of the time its just friends.
People you can't bring yourself to break away from.
Or people who you can't stand until you see them again
and remember why you're friends in the first place

People who's characteristic tendencies slowly began to eat at you, gnawing until it grates on your nerves.
Or just people who you trust to be there so much that you push them onto the back burner, always.

For example,
this person makes a comment and you crack the shits.
But, if it were someone else, you'd just let it slide, or laugh it off.
Sometimes, its cause these people have different personalities.
Other times, its just because they irritate you,
or just aren't someone you feel the need to pretend you're okay in front of.

Hmm food for thought.

Small Scale Neuroticism

Not quite at as serious as Neurotic OCD,
everyone has little quirks that make them that much more unique and lovable
or that much more strange and nonsensical.

Things like
Stationery obsession (guilty as charged)
Shopping by packaging (admittedly, also guilty)
Doing things is sets of threes.
Turning off all electricity at the power-points as soon as they walk into a room.

Or in my case:
compulsively eating icecream
Arranging all my books on a desk so that they are in size order,
and my stationary then has to sit on top,
organised and straight without breaching the borders of the books.

Or a slightly more harmful one:
A thirst for spontaneity.
Doing things just because I'm craving lustrous shiny excitement.
(Note: do not take this out on your hair)

Yet even though we find these to be oddities, there are many people out there who share the same traits.
Is it perhaps a personality thing?
Or are there just a set of people who've been scanned and edited,
then mass produced in our society.
Ahh the wonders of consumerism.

Props to Mademoiselle in Melbourne for topical inspiration.

Burning Skylines.

R.I.P

Its time for a new era.

Introducing: Fictional Lives.
Blurring the lines between fiction and my reality.

Because originality fails us,
so sometimes, its easier to express yourself with someone else's words.

"odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
I hate and i love. Why do I do this, perhaps you ask.
nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior."
I know not, but I feel it happen and I am tormented.

- Catullus

True, timeless, eloquence, from Ancient Rome.

We are, still the same,
perhaps humanity has even gone backwards.