Lingering Flame

Its so hard to let go.

I'm not sure if I'd call it a passion, but this outlet is like a candle in my drawer. Mostly forgotten, it sits in the dark holding itself in but when rekindles, the wick burns bright and its scents envelops me and consumes the air I breathe.

I will resume.

        

Its funny how you can change so much and still believe your words from years ago.

In retrospect, I forgot where this all started...

Smile when no one is looking,

for yourself,
nobody else ♥

Trauma

There's a biting chill in the air.
Flickers of shadows taunt the pavement.
Your in-drawn breath shushes the night.

Ba-doom.
Ba-doom.

The thudding of your heart becomes a pounding in your head
Is that a set of footsteps falling into place behind you?
An involuntary shiver leads to a misstep.

Crack.

The snap of a twig amplified in the crisp air sends the flutter of menacing raven wings a-flapping skyward. The silence so poignant that your heel clicks echo upwards toward the darkened heavens.

Faster.
Your pace needs to be faster.
Walk faster.
Almost there. Get the keys out. Now. Dammit don't fumble. Got it.

Three more steps. Just three more, turn the lock, step in, lock the doors and key in ignition.
Click. Clack. Click.
Click.
Click.

A movement in the rear mirror catches your peripheral.
Shit.

Once in a Blue Moon

Erdalito

Sigh.
I had one of those days today.
Those days when life just sucks.

I'm not saying that everything went wrong.
I still had some bright moments.
Moments which, on any other day would warrant an ear to ear grin from morning til night.

But there was just too much doom and gloom hovering above my head to truly appreciate them today.
And when I got home, I was just...frustrated. And exasperated.
I just wanted to sink to the floor and cry because I felt like I was drowning.

It will pass. And I look forward to that (:

In Time.

Taken from Trickery

Spoken, words alone no longer move me.
I am not young, not so easily tempted by surging waves of emotion
I now know that these tempest do pass.

Solitude, the idea no longer scares me.
I am strong, silent horizons with absent shores do not phase me
I am enough to be my own company.

Stirring, sometime I still feel a flutter.
In those moments of weakness, I still wish for the excitement of a devoted passion or a star-crossed destiny.
In those moments, I remind myself

I am not a slave to my heart but a believer in the strength of a rational mind.

Frostbite.

Alex Hubert

The damp pillow clings to the cheek

Heavy, the swollen lids struggle

Blink away the dewdrops stuck between the lashes

Fight each drop that trickles down

Leaving a chilling trail,

An invisible cold stain.

Bit,

By bit,

Frostbite sets into the heart.

Resurfacing.

Lisa M.

How many people can we be?

How many faces can we wear?
How many skins need be shedded before our true colours emerge?

Are we the simple, purehearted child from once upon a time,

or the callous exterior that glares witheringly at our enemies?

The mirror is cracked and disjointed.

Each shard shows another reality true.

Conflicting, overwhelming.

I cannot be both I and me.

Years Gone By

Half an hour away from the beginning of the end of my teens!

There are two days in a year that make me particularly happy - New Years and my Birthday. Birthdays are personalized New Year's Days.

In my head, they are both the space that follows a full stop.

The pause in which you glance back over at the many a sentence, comma and full stop that preceded it.

But also the pause in which there is the possibility for any capital letter to follow.

You know something remarkable is coming, and it could be anything.

And the anticipation is killing me.

Growing up is hard to do

(Awks I had this typed up and ready to publish on NYE but I forgot thanks to my last minute BBQ and a family trip)

For the first half of our lives, we're chasing after the elegant silhouette of the sophisticated woman we want to become.

A journey marked by seemingly insignificant milestones:

The profound ability to recognise your style amidst crowded racks in overflowing department stores.

The acquisition of your first heel, painful but nothing compared to that ridiculous teetering, borderline dangerous stiletto that is to come, a few years on.

The unnoticed transition between too heavily kohl lined eyes and amateur attempts at eyeshadow to fledgling makeup artist.

But sometimes along the way, we end up taking many steps backwards as a person.

Becoming pretty, polished and poised,

but rotting away inside as we become too selfish, too indulgent, too ignorant.

Another chapter of our past ends

with pages that whisper nightmares, cry heartbreak and sing joy and dreams fulfilled,

but is our character who we want to be?

So here's to the New Year:

May we rise to meet its challenges, and withstand its pitfalls with grace and a heart of gold.

Listlessness

A very obvious pattern has appeared in my days,

sleep in - eat - work - shop - eat - sleep

and repeat.

There's a listlessness that plagues me at times,

seeping into my routine and keeping my snippy and cynical.

Perhaps its the absence of the glorious sun that, being the tease it is, has not poked its head out since Spring.
Perhaps its the non-event that is many a weekday in passing, spent contentedly but with no peaks or troughs.

Or perhaps its only my mood at the moment.

I've spent much time this holidays shopping or browsing online, and overjoyed at parcels arriving or flipping out over how gorgeous some new pigment of eyeshadow is.

It makes me feel incredibly happy but rather simple hehe.

Image credits: Hans Kylberg

人身的悲惨

时时刻刻盼望着完美的昨天，回望以过的阳光。

而今天的漂亮和美好次次都只能已错过了的风景，流过。

只怕慢步享受每一秒，就会失去生活的机会。

怕如果失去一步的进展，当发现人身逃跑了，我们拼命也追不上。

The Tragedy of Life

Forever longing for the perfection of yesterday, gazing backwards at past horizons.

Yet, again, and again, today's beauty and wonder can only slip past like a scenery missed.

Always paralysed by fear: if we slow our steps to appreciate the view, we'll miss our chance to live the moment.

Afraid that missing even a single moment, our lives will elude us, and by the time we realise, it'll be too late.

ps. I know the translation is a little rough, but then again the original Chinese probably is too D:

Musings

My blog has been very neglected as of late.

Its shocking that I haven't posted since August but to be honest every time I thought about posting something, I either didn't have time or didn't have any inspiration.

Life has been a tumultuous mix of fun, sadness, disappointment, anger and stress.
I feel like life has been passing me by and despite always believing in no regrets, I've had an awful lot of them. I feel like I'm watching the days spindle through and even though there are brief moments of brilliance every so often, I spend more time being an onlooker to joy than living in the moment. Hopefully, summer will help me move past that.

I'm very hesitant about turning it into a personal blog, even though this is what it seems to be becoming.

My main reason is that I treasure the privacy of being "anonymous" on the internet, even though most of my followers are friends in real life.

But this blog started because I wanted an outlet for my creative side that my daily life has no room for so turning it into a personal blog would defeat the purpose of that. Added onto the fact that generally, when I'm happy, I'm too busy enjoying being happy so I know that I'd probably end up being very rash and use the blog to vent my anger and sadness which I'm sure, wouldn't end well.

I'm also thinking of starting a new blog HAH, (because of course, if I don't have time for my current one, I'll sooo have time for two) because I've had a lot of fun following fashion blogs and beauty blogs and I think a haul blog would be nice for me to keep track of my shopping addiction and use it productively.

Sunny Skies

^-^

As the days are warming,

my smiles are wider, my skip is lighter, and my bounce is higher.

I'm waiting impatiently for the heart-warming prickle of a hot hot sun,

and the relief of a cool breeze in the scarce shade of a 30 degree day.

For the sand sticking between saline drenched toes

and the bronzed glow of an unwanted tan.

Summer, you've been playing hard to get for far to long.

You're toying with my feelings and messing with my health.

Keeping me far too keen,

my moment's joy whisked away by the remnants of a chilly winter breezes.

But never mind.

When you're here,

all will be forgiven,

because when you're here,

all is right.

Sorry sorry :(
I'm such a bad blogger, far too sporadic.

Overwhelmed

The briefest moment,

respite.

A luxury of the carefree.

Pure and untouched by the cacophony

of the furrowed brow.

When the last tremor of the body stills,

the gasping breath eases,

and the lids lay down gently,

it slips off to a peaceful place.

Where smiles are not necessary,

and tears do not flow.

Turtles ♥

OMGGGGGGG LULZ.

Seriously. I laughed so hard.

Thrifting (and Shopping) Adventures

:D

Another blog update.. and yet again, no creative juices are dripping :(

(That sounds so wildly gross and inappropriate, I apologise)

But I received my fortnightly paycheck on Saturday and then ended up getting a little extra cash from covering a friend's shift on Sunday!

I was super ecstatic to find that the hole in my bank account (I usually try and maintain my account above a specific amount) had now been filled and with a little room to move.

(*cough* splurge *cough*)

On Sunday night, Daniel, his cousin and I also decided to hit up Crown after my first [insert their last name here] family dinner.

For the first time, I didn't lose and I didn't break even!

Yay! I only upped $40 actually haha but then again, my buy-in was at $30.

So obviously, my weekend involved shopping, to make up for the lack-thereof these past few weeks.

- Boys, this is your chance to escape before it gets boring -

Saturday

Shirt for work

A bra also for work (kidding)

Sunday

Dress (for work)

A non-cropped black blazer (FINALLY) - it also has some pretty cool detail on the back

THEN TODAY I WENT THRIFTING.

Aaaaaaaaah so much fun!

I found something at every single op shop we entered (only 3 though)

So the purchases in order:

A silver clutch style purse, with a gold chain

(I can't wait to wear this clubbing or out to dinner, I can picture it hanging off my LBD-wearing self who has one foot out the door)

A dusty pink blouse

(Of the floaty-with-strips-to-tie-into-a-bow kind)

Another blazer

(Checked, very vintage Rory-Gilmore-journalist-esque)

Two books :D

(To add to the overflowing "to read" pile that I have garnered this holidays)

Anywhoo, I apologise for yet another post that has no artistic direction or journalistic flair whatsoever...

Mayhap it will return once I purchase that cute-but-too-sheer romper and beautiful vintage full length skirt that I've been eyeing.

Winter is for Unbearably Cold.

It seems like I've lost my depth, when it comes to my writing at least. I have not had any brilliant (or not so brilliant) ideas for a creative writing post so this is just going to be a chunk of word vomit - not of the nicely written kind - regaling the happenings in my (not so) exciting life.

Winter break is already in the process of slipping away but I still do not feel rested :(

The first week or two were fast flying, with plans made for almost everyday and gaps filled with impromptu outings..fun fun fun :D

Sadly, that puts a lot of strain on your bank account when you're only earning a day's worth of income per week despite supposedly being employed in 2 -3 places...

So I became a homebody and have been spending a lot of lovely time with Daniel. I really should get out and about but I'm too lazy. It really doesn't help that half the time, the day is almost over by the time I get up out of bed because I don't have the foresight to consider sleeping early to wake up for a productive day.

I actually still enjoy myself a lot but its starting to get boring, though we did manage to squeeze in a game of Monopoly today and then proceed to discuss the reason why we shouldn't play with other people: nepotism (of the non-family kind).

If someone has ANY suggestions for what I can do to entertain myself (besides watch dramas which I actually haven't even had time for) shoot them my way! But be careful in your enthusiasm because I really do not want bruises like the ones I got from paintball thanks to Daniel and some randoms.

Whinge time!

Stupid Tiger Airways has gone and ruined my exciting (almost) trip to QLD with some of my girlies next week and by ruined, I mean sinking its teeth in, tearing a gash and shaking it until the entire plan is ripped to shreds.

Stupid stupid employer who shalt not be named for professional purposes who happens to be taking 4 months to finally get my contracts in order, and arrange for me to train so I can ACTUALLY WORK AND EARN MONEY. Seriously, they recently just hired 2 more girls...who will be trained with me. Really? I wait 4 months then have to train with girls who have only had to wait 2 weeks? Nothing against the girls, I'm just rageragerage about it.

Grumble grumble grumble.

I have officially been reinstated as gym junkie: something good came from my being too late for my first Bikram Yoga class (which I'd already put off for literally a year). I have no idea what effect gym is having but I definitely feel better about myself - despite that I wake up sore most mornings from my decidedly insane new-found dedication to gyming.

ALSO. Something that made em very happy..which I didn't even buy in the end was the cutest bright orange purse. It was bright a la Quirky Explosion.

The straps were as long as your average satchel and it was super structured - 50s style but more geometric.

Ohmygod I was so in love.

Daniel then proceeded to tell me it was disgusting and ugly but that it suited me. "What, cause I'm ugly too?".

So I walked away from it...I'm not sure if I regret it or not but it made me happy!

And thats all the crap I feel I need to subject you all through :D
Happy Holidays!

- Edit -

I just went through my stats and realized there has been (surprisingly) some traffic on my blog recently..minimal but considering my inactivity shocking anyway.

The hilarious part is that the traffic sources listed are sites about dieting and diet plans BAHAHA.

No, honestly, that's so comical.
I'm terrible at dieting..

(I have attempted it on many an occasion in the simplest form - stop eating crap)

I never really last long, not because of a lack of perseverance but because of a lack of will.
I always start it and realize that I'm a perfectly healthy size, and leaning toward skinny so why bother?
My metabolism compensates for the majority of the garbage I consume, and laziness prevents me from over-snacking exorbitantly so dieting never quiet goes to plan for me.
Believe me, I thank my metabolism everyday.

Smiles

There's a lifting smile and bouncing step slipping into my days.

Shoulders light with thoughts of

moments few and far between.

Such precious, bright moments.

Bright,

as the glimmer of daylight above,

as the sparkle of sunlight with the remnant warmth of a ray that, somehow, scatter the depths.

With such brevity, needlessly ruined pasts fade from memory.

Each second, treasured.

Common routine habits, shared.

With a lingering touch here, and a startled laugh there,

the spaces between time melt away.

Start Again

-cue Harry Potter Theme Song-

Just a wandering face in the crowd,

washed about in the volatile waves of the sea of the Nameless.

Cut yourself free,

unanchored to past ports,

you float whimsically.

Day after day,

adrift,

familiar scenes flicker past,

ponder, occasionally, to rest

but no,

you're waiting for a shore that feels just right.

But slowly,

slowly

slowly

time passes.

Yet still, you drift.

That dubious feeling,

eerily reminiscent,

slithers through your mind.

Uncertainty.

Yes uncertainty.

Until you begin to flail.

Helplessly.

Peer up at the sky

and catch a glimpse,

of an even better world.

Those Twinkling City Lights

Scandalous runs creep up risqué tights,

as a pulse comes alive, eyes close,

hearts throb with the rising beat

bringing rushing blood to a quiver.

Inching hems rise up silky expanses of limb,

with the music swilling all around,

all the bodies flood with the sound.

Glasses fill. Empty. Refill.

Smiles turn to giggles while

straps slip and droop off bare shoulders,

innocuous glances become husky murmurs

and swaying silhouettes intertwine.

And so the night goes on,

in the shadows of those twinkling lights.

eeep. I've sorta shied away from this sorta writing up until now but it seems fitting with all my "leisure activities" these days, when did daytime movies turn into 3am nights?

Shards Left Behind

There is chaos in the corridors of my mind.

Hearts out to Japan.

It is a place that has touched my life.

Such a tragedy, with the enormity of its devastation always reminds us:

Cherish life.