The Untread Sepia Universe

Have you ever met someone again?
Met them for real, a second time?

Don't worry,
I'm not about to launch into some bitter jaded rant about not seeing someone for who they truly are :P

Today,
I met someone.

Someone special.

Someone I've known my entire life,
but never quite known.

I suppose that's how it is with parents,
its hard to imagine them with a life of their own,
a life before you!
But they had one, and boy did they live,
and some still live now.

I spent the evening poring over photo albums and scrapbooks,
meeting my mother for the first time,
it amazing, but strange.

I met a girl, an adolescent, a lady in the making.
I met an artist, a poet, a heartbreaker.
I met her first love,
I met her guitar that never quite made it to the next phase of her life,
I met the 90s poster girls who adorned her walls.

And through these photos,
I ventured through another universe.
But, I recognised someone.
Someone familiar.


p.s. The still living bit? Let's just say what my mother got up to with her friends, in their 40s, could only be labelled as shenanigans.

p.p.s. expect an image change sometime, this was one of those rare posts where I had the idea before the picture, and I haven't yet found one that fits just right

Revelations of Despair.

Have you ever just woken up?
Opened your eyes to a different world?

Normally, its wonderful, awe-inspiring.
Normally, its a sign you've moved on, passed the pain, matured.

But sometimes,
its realisation of how little distance you've covered,
that, not only have you not made any progress as a person,
but have, in fact, gone backwards.
And maybe, just maybe you were only just awakening to a fact that has always been true.

That you're a horrible person.
That all you do is cause torment.
That your personal grievances are petty and insignificant and deserved,
compared to what you yourself have inflicted.
That no matter what you do at least one person will be hurt,
and that you,
foolishly,
selfishly,
chose more victims than necessary.

Its a very dark place.


But I'm the hero in my story.
I'll manage.
I'll save myself.

Here and Now

Stop it!
I can hear your brain ticking.
Ticking away.
And it hurts.

They say you should think before you act.

Fair enough..
thinking is good.

But thinking often impedes progress,
and progress,
well,
where thinking is good,
progress is better.

Rational at the best of times is not always a good way to be.
You can think your way out of a world of experiences,
think yourself to tears
and think apart any remotely whimsical dreams.

Thinking is smart,
sensible.

But every second you spend thinking, is a moment lost.
A moment that could have been the best moment.

Stop thinking
and
Live a little.

p.s Tumblr Challenge Day 17: I really quite like this one..

Tumblr Day Fifteen

Melania Brescia

Your dreams.

I have dreams.

Many and varied.

Enough to overflow my streaming consciousness, entertain my idling mind in the realms of subconscious, keep wonder afloat in the stormiest of periods... and then some.

But most of the time, they're just dreams.

There are ones that I won't admit to,

Out of embarrassment? out of shame? out of fear

Foolish, often insignificantly shallow, or perhaps too far out of reach.

And then there are the others,

intangibly beautiful,

like hopes of sheer unadulterated bliss,

that slip through the cracks of my "maturing" life in moments of brilliance.

I guess I dream of happiness,

of laughter and an enveloping warmth, encircling the lives of all those in my little bubble.

I dream of the freedom that I feel right this very moment

and the interludes of euphoria when everything seems just right.

I dream of being anything and everything I want to be at every whim.

I dream of abandoning constitutionalism

to scavenge the world for abstract, shining pearls of knowledge, wisdom.

And I suppose sometimes,

I dream of the past and a future,

still untouched.

Then there are nightmares.

People forget that they're dreams too.

Fantasies that occupy a darker dimension.

A stitched canvas of everything we fear and try to elude.

I have dreams like that too, sometimes.

But if you ask me what I want to do in the future, I'll tell you something different.

I'll tell you that I want to become a psychologist,

that I want to learn a decade of languages,

that I want to immerse myself into all the world's major cities.

A lot more...solid, don't you think?

But they're not dreams,

they're goals,

built upon realism, expectation and being taught to want something, be passionate about something.

They're not the spark that inflames our dubiously expectant eyes as we gaze across the horizon.

p.s. this actually wasn't the post I was alluding to in the last post but some things pop up haha, this is part of my tumblr challenge which I'm completing at snail's pace

Freee like a bird!

If only I had wings...

So, this post is to announce that, I (or me or myself or whatever else I may like referring to myself as because guess what bitches? NO ONE CARES ABOUT MY GRAMMAR ANYMORE wooooo!) am officially free.
Completely, utterly and irrevocably free for the next, hmm lets see, like 3 + months?

Yeaaaahhhh, thats right!
I can do ANYTHING I want... soooo much time, but then again theres so much to do...
And yes, that does include reorganising EVERYTHING I own, my room, my clothes, my makeup, even my stuffed toys if I so wish (which btw my grandmother cutely organised in a little row while I was sitting my exams) because I'm OCD like that and yeah, they count as things to do, which..sadly.. I will actually really enjoy doing hehe.
Words cannot express the overwhelming elation that surged through me when I look up at the clock, and there it was: 5 minutes til the end of my VCE. I was literally BEAMING.
So..I guess words really can express it >_>

Apologies for my psychotic hyperactive freedom induced state, posting will resume as per usual asap, as in soon as in like, probably in the next few hours if my dramas don't hypnotise me...which, on second thoughts, they probably will so, probably tomorrow then!
I have one in the works (:

Ps. no picture, because I don't want to ruin any remotely artistic creation with my current ridiculousness

It Seems Unfair That the Sun Can Still Shine.

For a brief interlude, I actually managed to avoid blogging and fleetingly submerge myself in study.

But I feel like I need to write about this.
I don't feel like I can do much else.

I feel a compulsion,
to get it down,
to sort out my feelings.

I don't really know how I feel about this,
I'm not an absolute wreck.
But hanging about waiting for someone to come back or go away twists at your insides.

Others comfort and console,
and its nice,
being reminded of the support around you.

But you're not the one who needs help,
you're fine,
you're always fine.

But it hurts to know that she's suspended in an awful place.
Even life or death has a grey patch in between.
Where is your joie de vivre now?

And to watch the unstoppable crumble,
and preoccupy themselves with the mundane,

is painful.

They're not mourning,
there's nothing yet to mourn.
But they're all running scared
and preparing for the worst.

And everyday life
seems so

insignificant.

To good friends, thank you.