Expectations and Limitiations.

Parents.
Teachers.
Friends.
Acquaintances.

Every single person has some expectation of you.
Of who you are.
Or rather, whom they presume you to be, to do, to accomplish.
So what?

Refuse.
Refuse to fit into their expectations on the basis of some ridiculous social norm.

We change, adapt, grow.
We're vines upon a wall, we may scale the heights bit by bit but not all of us reach the rooftop.
We get lost in the tangled mess of other people's lives, or we latch on, and entwine ourselves with others, possibly getting lost in the process.
We don't always fit grid, for better or worse.
We change.

Everyone expects something.
Even you.

And when you can't live up to your own expectations, that hurts.

Disappointing yourself,
when you yourself should know best what your limitations are,
stings like a bitch.
Its hard not to let that self-deprecating,
spiteful monster inside you take over and brutally batter you.

Happy Chappy

(:
Life Update: Take 2.

A very rewarding day.
I decided I wanted to go grocery shopping with mum, and clock some hours (or minutes rather) for my driving log.
Little did I know, it would turn into an all out shopping spree.
Sales sales sales!
lovelovelove.
Between us, mum and i bought 10 tops...
And then I got school shoes.
Regardless,
it was still new clothing.
AND, a new phone, finally!
Wooo ^^

I also believe that my extremely satisfied tummy is contributing to this happy hype.

Wordswordswords.

People complain that they're at a loss for words.
That they don't have anything to talk about with someone.
Or that they can't seem to express themselves.

Wrong.
We have so much to say.
Perhaps too much.
Sometimes its all just crap.
There's no point in empty superficial statements.
Whilst everything meaningful is waiting to be voiced.
Patiently, relentlessly, and resigned.

Why is everyone so desperate to make conversation?
Why speak when there's nothing to say?
Silence isn't awkward.
Grasping at conversational straws is.


p.s. writer's block.

A Little Something Extra-ordinary

Yo listen up here's a story,

about a:
girl (:

I'm blue da ba dee da ba di...

Hehe.
this one's a little different.
I'm going to trial this whole actually blogging explicitly about my life thing.

I attended my friend's formal last night, which was really fun,
though my foot doth protest at the idea that dancing could be enjoyable.

These occasions only come up once in a while,
and it really is exciting to get dressed up all nice, hop in a hummer, and be whisked to a fancy venue for edible food and much much dancing.
I wish formals happened more often, but I suppose the fact that its rare is what makes it so special.

It goes so fast.
After bumping into Sarah, about halfway through getting my hair done, the buzz started kicking in.
The jittery excitement before a big event.
Kaya and I were scrambling around, hard-pressed for time after taking an excessive amount of time putting our faces on...
and then it all went on fast forward, accompanied by a very fast faced soundtrack that kept me on my feet the entire night.

And there, you have gained a not particularly interesting insight into my life (:

Playing With Fire.

So I have slight pyromaniac tendencies,
(flames are pretty ^^)
but I don't understand why anyone would
purposely cause that much malicious destruction.

Sure,
I can think of motives for trying to burn down a school,
but none that could justify or warrant anyone to actually take action and do it.
What do you get out of it?
A few days off school,
and a badass rep.
Oh not to mention a fast-track down future failure lane.

There's nothing wrong with having fun,
and mistakes are yours to make,
but when it harms others,
that's crossing the line.

I sometime wonder how it is that there are people who just don't think.

On a chirpier note:
explosions in chemistry labs are rather fun
and
its rather funny escaping disaster, unscathed, by a slim thread,
and not even realising it.

Night Terrors

"He began to scream. The reverberations of his screams gave him the whole shape of the box, narrow-walled, low-roofed, unyielding. Its lid was screwed down hard and would not give. Earth was piled over the lid, airless earth, pressing down hard.
He screamed and moaned, he fought the box, in a frenzy of terror. He struggled and scuffled, strained his head up so that it beat against the coffin’s lid."

- Elizabeth Knox (Dreamhunter)

We all have fears.
Those tendrils of terror that grasp us in the corners of our mind and tug gently until the occasion arises for it swallow you whole.
They vary from person to person.
But there seems to be an inexplicable association between fear and the dark.

Something about the unknown frightens us.
I, for one, am terrified on the dark.
Or rather, being alone in the dark.
Its not specifically the dark that I'm afraid of.
Its what's IN the dark.
Who knows what there is,
lurking,
predatory.

And yet I'm a night owl.
My most productive and functional hours are the ones I usually spend on sleep.

There's something so eerily transcendental about iridescent moonlight, the faint specks of stars and the twinkling glow of city lights cast upon a dark velvet tapestry.

Its almost as if the stark contrast is what sets it off.
making it seem more beautiful, precious.

Me, Myself and I

Chemistry midyear over (:
Time to refocus on myself.
Selfish, I know.

My justification is that I deserve it.
I don't think I've worked that hard for anything for a long long time, if ever.
Though I would have told myself that,
regardless.

I don't think there's anything wrong with self appreciation
and luxurious self indulgence,
just don't go stepping on other people's toes.
Especially not in heels.

"Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else"

- Judy Garland

Next on the agenda:
to put my feet up and enjoy a trashy feel-good movie with a nice cup of tea.
Ahh tea, how I have missed you.

I for one am definitely guilty of overindulging myself with rewards
and having very little self discipline.

Oh well,
optimism at its finest,
I call it.

Photo via Miss Wallflower

Domestic in Training

I enjoy cooking.
There, I said it.

I always have,
even before the likes of MasterChef commercialised it and sold it to mainstream society.

Its edible art.
Aestheticism for all the senses.
Its rather fun.

And as I sat at my desk,
(ignoring my blatantly terrifying tower of practise chem exams),
chewing on my (late) culinary masterpiece that is lunch
and watching ready steady cook,
I came to a conclusion:
I am perfectly content to apologise to all those who have placed their hopes in me.

I'm ready to give up feminism and put on an apron.
I will not amount to anything in life,
but I'll settle for becoming a well-trained domestic.

I joke.
I do not intend on giving up on my educational pursuits.
Nor do I have such little respect for housewives.
I also don't believe that making such a choice means sacrificing the cause of feminism.

Empowerment
shouldn't be yet another extreme image or unrealistic expectation to live up to,
it should be about the right to make your own choices.
To succeed how you want,
if you want,
or not.

I made a tumblr, because its easier for me to follow certain blogs this way, but I am rather confused by it.
I'm far from technologically illiterate, but I am slightly blind when looking for "comment" buttons.

Speak As Thou Wilt

Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare the truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare.

- Lewis Morris

Take a chance, you never know

Every moment, is the slice of a memory. Share it.
Every thought is the whisper of an identity. Say it.
Every hope is the beginning of a dream. Seize it.

And when you're done,
it'll have been a life worth living.

Quick Update on Life Detox:

So, I haven't quite stuck with the plan.
But, the core principle behind it has remained intact :)

Photo by Ailbhe o'Donnell

The Little Things

I realise I've already posted on this but:

I love the little things that make a day.

I love smiles from strangers.
I love conversations with randoms.
I love bumping into people you haven't seen for ages.

I love new stationery.
I love stationery itself.
I love the smell of opening sealed packaging.

I love unexpected kind words.
I love sweet things that friends do.
I love reminders of people who care.

I love trashy 90s music singalongs.
I love pretending to rave to bad songs.
I love hearing beautiful music in the passing.

I love cute couples.
I love things that come in threes.
I love collections.

I love the sound of rain outside the window.
I love the sight of dew on flowers and leaves.
I love the feeling of warm sun upon my back.

I love natural light, sunshine (:

They make me happy, yes I'm easily pleased c:

And lovelies check out this post by quirkducirque, its beautiful :)
in fact, they all are (: