Curtain Calls

Final Arts Festival done and dusted :(

Yes, I cried.
God, I'm a sap.
But it was possibly the highlight of every school year.
It's actually amazing what a bunch of students can do.
Now,
It's over,
and I feel ancient.
I'm sure I'll have plenty more opportunities for things like this in the future,
but still.

I'm also shocked by those who don't embrace this type of stuff.
I just don't understand how you can not love the atmosphere,
the buzzing.
But then again, you do lose track of your closest friends for a month.

p.s. Forgot to mention: JJ Lin concert was epic and surreal. Nobu at Crown is also downright delectable and so superbly scrumptious.

Honest Mirrors

Take a good hard look
Seriously,
do like what you see?
Its not about vanity
Its about realistic dignity
and self respect.
The mirror was metaphorical,
clearly.

We are fantastical realities fabricated by ourselves alone.

But honestly,
why is it so hard?

I want to
find the perfect equilibrium,
wavering somewhere between
undeserved egocentricity and excessive self criticism.
Act selfishly, without treading on others.

We struggle to face ourselves honestly.
We either hide from our flaws or become obsessed with them.
We do things to prove ourselves to others or to trick ourselves.

In the words of Blair Waldorf:
"I'm gonna kiss somebody someday and when I do, it'll be for me"

Just don't let appreciation of self
make you heady with your own astounding scent.

p.s. I realise Blair Waldorf is not a literary great, however, that line was the inspiration and basis for this entire post and in my pathetic sick state, I can think of little else more fitting.

Hothothot!

Never thought I'd say this but..
TOO MUCH CHILLI SAUCE.
Mmmm, fine cuisine.
Hehe, I'm such a foodie.

Now onto more pressing matters!
Art Fest is just around the corner, steaming down the hill.
Its so exciting, intense and bustling.
My life becomes a whirlwind of endless tasks,
a time-turner worthy amount of places to be, if only there were more than one of me.
Everyone's stressed or freaking out or just taking a back seat and observing the commotion.
Someone said to me that they hate this time of year, because: even though its so much fun,
it brings out the worst in people.

I have to agree, but I love this time of year.
With the worst, comes the best.
People really step up.
Even though the claws are out,
everyone knows to let it go in these obstreperous times.

At the same time, I think its better to see the uglier side of people.
I'd rather see their true self,
them at their worst,
than to always live under the false impression that they're sweet, angelic good Samaritans that could do no wrong.

Its about being able to love and appreciate the people around you when they are revealing their ugliest face.
Ew, deceptive beauty, Maestro, ya da ya da ya.
Joking,
I love the book.
But I hate text response.

Sappho

Dull gloom:
thin, poison gas.
Seeping
Seeking
Festering.

Possibly the only way I can describe this mind-numbing dullness.
I just can't be bothered and I don't care.
It's infiltrating my life! D:

I can't seem to look outside of my own bubble without judging.

p.s.
Inspiration: Sappho

"Pain penetrates,
me drop
by drop"

Latin <3

Motivation? I Think Not.

Despite the fact that I promised myself that this
WAS NOT
going to turn into a superficial year 12 blog about homeworkhomeworkhomework,
I feel that this blog would not stay true to me if it didn't truthfully represent how unmotivated I am as a person.
I'm not talking procrastination,
I'm talking an
outright,
flat out
refusal to do work.
I barely ever prolong the buildup,
I merely write it on a list and then put everything away.

What is motivation?
Why am I doing this?
Will it really matter in the long run?
Why is a bright future and no regrets not enough motivation in the face of present possibilities?
Is this for myself?
Or is it just pride?
Or am I trying to live up to the expectation of others.

I find people who have such self discipline amazing, and fascinating (like animals in a zoo :P)
I see all the logic, but I don't feel the emotional attachment.

I know that I'm going to be beating myself up for it at the end of this journey, but I can honestly say I will be able to look back with fond memories and a sense of satisfaction about having lived my life to the almost fullest.
About brimful, not quite overflowing though.
:)
Now sidetracked by APN on Syn FM right now (Y)

gives up typing.

Poetically Pathetic.

A little something I once wrote:

let's leave the past behind
and runaway into the sunset
we'll leave a rainbow trail
because when it all comes to an end,
there will be a new beginning.
the faded memories of our lifetimes,
the tears and the laughter
will burn into the skyline ©

I needed somewhere to put it.
As its time my facebook about me experienced a change.
This hasn't changed since I made it up FOR it.
Yes, I dabble in writing.

Ho Hum ~

When life hits its worst, the only way for it to go is up.

That, however, has no relation whatsoever to my life right now,
"cause everything's just wonderful".
Yeah, I just quoted Lily Allen. Oh dear.

I can't say that everything has been great, but for some reason, I've become so accustomed to being optimistic that I don't even know how to wallow in pity and self misery anymore. For very long anyway.

Despite the fact that I am far far behind in terms of school work, failed at all my plans of getting ahead and pure dedication to VCE, I am looking forward to this new term.
With or without homework in hand.
For one, I'm excited about (my last) Arts Fest that is just around the corner. What a tearjerker.
No really, I'm rather emotional that way.

On an extremely positive note,
I am pleased to announce that the lives of everyone around me are starting to look infinitely more bright, or rather, less lonely due to many many fresh relationships.
There are those that some of us have been urging to happen for AGES and those which have come as a surprised to the person's personal cheerleaders (I do actually own pompoms).
But either way, I can't help but smile inside at it all.

Its nice to know that people have found someone to co-exist with, intimately (Yeah, bad joke, sorry). We all need to know that there is someone to rely on and as a girl,
I can honestly admit that, buried in the realms of my deepest dreams,
I am still hoping to be a princess with a prince charming

But at the same time, I don't see any necessity for everyone to bind themselves to one other person, I'm enjoying my lone wanderer lifestyle at the moment, it allows for so much selfishness.
And you can still appreciate the beauty of other people's relationship,
whilst flouncing about in a carefree state of single-ship.

However, I can't deny that there is always a dark lurking fear of being alone for the rest of my eternity.


Did I mention I started another diary?
Yup, emphasis on another, because I always manage to slowly stray away.

p.s.
I took the photo with my old camera before it broke and my new and amazing tx9 came into my possession. I'm no photographer, but I find new technology and all things shiny simply irresistable.
Ahh, to dwell in a materialistic world.

edit: wow, long post much?